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I startled awake, just in time to start spurting. Frustrated, I punched the pillow.From then on, I could never masturbate without the thought of my mother's naked, sweaty body writhing underneath me crossing my mind. For the longest time, I resisted, but eventually the habit turned into a fantasy, and I began to actively seek out my mother's work. I found a part-time job and slaved away washing dishes to earn enough money to pay for a computer and high-speed Internet access, all so I could browse for my mother's porn in complete privacy.Days became weeks; weeks became months and years. I had to train myself to listen carefully for my mother's approach, because I so often became hard whilst she was around. All I could think of was my mother, so no other girls held any interest for me; rumours began to circulate that I batted for the other team. Remembering how badly my first response to the accusation of my mother's past work had gone down, I refrained from solving the problem with my. Yet underneath the surface I wasstill in so many ways that same little girl. I was still a bit unsure ofmyself. I still felt uneasy in my role. It was a very scary feeling to begoing out alone on my first date with a boy. Going out on a date wasscary enough under normal circumstances but my dilemma was very unique. Imean boys are supposed to date girls, not other boys. Why did I everagree to go out with Kyle? I must be crazy.I took a deep breath, prayed a silent little prayer before I grabbed mybag and walked out of my room. As I left the safety of my room I feltmore than a little bit apprehensive. I was so nervous. As I stood at thetop of the stairs, I giggled nervously as I thought about my future. Theone thing I knew for sure was that my future would be very different thanmost boys my age. That thought really cracked me up. I mean, how manyteenage boys would be wearing a cute outfit like mine for their firstreal date? Not too many that's for sure. Not too many boys would be.
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